3 Lessons in Building Your Confidence
Photography: Diana Simumpande
Written Sam Taylor
Most people see confidence as something you’re born with or that develops early in childhood – in other words, you either have it or you don’t.
But the truth is, confidence is just like any other personality trait. If you want to be more patient, you have to practice patience. If you want to be more compassionate, you have to practice compassion. And if you want to be confident, well, you simply have to practice being confident.
I’ve heard lots of advice on this topic. I’ve been told many times to “fake it till you make it”, aka pretend to be someone you aren’t and eventually you will become confident.
But I’m not so sure that’s the answer.
I wasn’t confident growing up at all. I never quite found my group of friends in primary school or even in secondary school. I had social anxiety and generalised anxiety disorder and spent most of my time alone, reading books or poking around the library. I was terrified of everything, including my sister’s pet budgerigar.
Now, my life as a mother and business owner is so different to who I was growing up. I’ve learnt that confidence is something you can practice and genuinely become. And it isn’t about faking it till you make it.
Once I started to change the way I saw the world, everything began to change. I’d like to share them with you in the hope that they help you too.
1. Confidence is a paradox.
It took me a while to work this one out, but it’s often the people who are the loudest and most opinionated who are the least confident. We often think that if you stand out, you are more confident, but it’s often the opposite. If you have to shout about it, you probably don’t have it.
2. Confidence has to be practiced.
The more you do something, the easier and more natural it becomes. And that stands true for everything in life, from talking to strangers to giving presentations.
3. Confidence is earned.
The most confident people aren’t the ones who have the most. The most confident people are often the ones who have been through a tough time and have earned their way through life. They’ve had to stand on their own two feet and find their own answers.
In my twenties, I couldn’t even look someone I didn’t know in the eye, let alone talk to them. So I challenged myself to smile at strangers I walked past on the street.
At first, I felt ridiculous and it was surprising just how hard and confronting I found such a simple task to be. I often felt quite rejected if the other person didn’t smile back. But the more I did it, the easier it became.
In my thirties, I forced myself to go to networking events and talk to strangers. Again, it was awkward to begin with, but I got better at it as I practiced.
Now, I look forward to speaking to people I don’t know and can trust myself in a social situation. All of these experiences really drilled home for me that confidence, particularly speaking confidently, is just another skill that you have to practice.
Confidence is all about who you are as a human being and the energy you give off. Which is why the path to becoming more confident has very little to do with anything external. Instead, it has everything to do with getting to the root of your fears, your insecurities, and who it is you believe yourself to be in the world.
That’s why it’s important to go on a journey of self discovery. You have to be open to learning about yourself and challenging your own fears and insecurities to get where you want to be.
Sam Details:
Bio
Sam Taylor is a wellness specialist and public speaker who works with women to help them live lives free from stress and anxiety.
After founding health and wellness studio Mind Body Beyond, Samantha truly understands how the mind and body need to work together to overcome anxiety and believes with a passion that we all deserve to feel strong, whole and in charge of our lives.
Samantha founded wellness organisation thenurtureproject.com in 2018, which helps women to beat stress and anxiety by developing the life skills of exercise, nutrition, meditation, self care and sleep.
Socials and website:
https://www.instagram.com/beatanxietyforgood/
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