Say "F you" to your inner bully.
Photography Eneida Hoti
Written by Simone Vinski
It’s taken me time to realise; you are your own worst enemy. I’ve had anxiety for longer than I can remember and never EVER thought anyone in my younger years had anything like this. Very naive of me, I know.
I was first bullied at eight years old. This obviously was very traumatising for me but as time went by, I grew up and the bullying stopped. So I thought. It started again two years later. To put it bluntly, I had suicidal thoughts at the age of 10. The bullying stopped in high school but returned again, a few years later. All I wanted to do was to fit in but I was standing out for all the wrong reasons. Finally, I found my feet and a slight bit of confidence to get me by. Fast track to a cheating boyfriend and masking my lack of confidence with alcohol and partying; I was a mess. I just wanted to fill this missing void of love I had in my heart. Every bad encounter I had would validate every single negative thought I had of myself.
How’s that for growing up?
With the help of fate, I was lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time. I came across Lisa, a Life Coach while I was unhappily working in a retail environment. I was micro managed and my soul was completely unfulfilled. Lisa became my knight in shining armour, but in a White Mercedes FWD form. She explained my unhealthy lifestyle and the destructive cycle I was going through. It had to stop. She made me realise that I had control over these things and over my life and not the other way round.
After all this time this wasn’t the true ‘ME’ who was actually thinking these dark thoughts. I learnt I could actually have control over my feelings when faced with a situation. “Say whut?!” Your negative thoughts don’t make up who you are. FULL STOP. To put in perspective for an average adult we have 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day; 35 to 48 thoughts per minute per person. The steady flow of thinking is a thick filter between our thoughts and feelings, our head and heart. Yes I had been through a lot, but it was up to me to decide how I wanted to feel about a situation.
I was given the knowledge and strength to know that my thoughts could be challenged and to ask, “is that irrational or rational?” It gave me a sense of power knowing I had control over my own happiness. As time when by I was taking better care of myself and starting to gauge my highest potential. I had a great circle of friends and started learning what was making my soul happy.
I ask you, “what gets your soul tingling?!”
The stigma of anxiety is decreasing as we speak. Public figures like Jen Gotch of Ban.Do and Matilda Dadjerf are raw, open and honest about their mental health issues. These women are ridiculously successful and greatly inspire me. They normalise the whole ‘anxiety’ thing; hopefully making all of us feel less alone. They publicly show their weaknesses, which make them more powerful in my eyes.
As I type this, I am coming up to my two years in this career working on campaigns for a global company. I am doing something I love. I can look back and be grateful for my story; where it has led me.
From a career perspective, I want to help those who may feel like they don’t know where to turn to when they need extra strength on the job. Never forget, you were hired for who you are; you have unique skills and characteristics that make you right for your role.
I ask you to acknowledge and cherish your work wife/husband; they will become your rock in your darkest times.
Take time for you, Mental Health days are necessary for you to be able to function. Remember it doesn’t make you weak for having anxiety; it makes you strong for speaking up about it.
To all of our inner bullies, let’s say a massive “F YOU” for all the times you’ve stopped us from speaking up; all the times you made us procrastinate; all the times you made us act irrationally and when you made us not believe in ourselves.
I challenge you to challenge your thoughts and be the Yes Queen you were born to be.